Baby don’t hurt me, no more. Those lyrics by Haddaway were the first words that came to mind when I was writing out my title. But I digress. What is love? Lately, I’ve been binge watching Drop Dead Diva on Netflix and Shomi and I’ve been hit with one too many episodes where I find myself relating to what the characters in the show are feeling. The show centres around Jane whose body was reentered by the deceased Deb, put in the most basic summary. Jane is a lawyer. Naturally, since she is the protagonist, the law firm and her colleagues are the main stories. Most of the stories dealt with in the show are about cheaters. Surprisingly, I have yet to turn away from this show because aside from those emotions, Jane and chemistry between everyone in the show is hard to resist. The most recent episode had short storyline where one of the lawyers had a case where he was dealing with was his current s.o.’s ex-fiancee and he had some questions. The line that made me pause the show and wonder was when she was explaining why the relationship ended the way that it did, she said that she “loved him but was not in love with him.” What’s the difference? Now this is why love songs and shows with all the drama are so easy to get sucked into.. because they’re real. Writers write about what they know. This is one of the reasons why I can’t watch shows that involve crass jokes about cheaters or ones that I see myself in too much. A cheater is a cheater is a cheater. I feel bad for the women in these shows and I feel great when they get better than what they had to go through. So when I was watching the rest of the episode, as it didn’t dwell too much on that line, I couldn’t stop thinking about it relating to my own relationship.
How do you know when you love someone but are no longer in love with them?
I’d like to think that I’ve seen and heard and felt what true love looks, sounds, and feels like. I’d like to think that I would recognize what true love is if it ever came knocking on my door. But loving someone and being in love with someone is two different things. Loving someone is like a great friend who will always tell you you’re right when you’re mad at someone because they love you too much to argue otherwise. Love is when an owner stays with their pet as they grow old. Love is when your s.o. other listens and smiles as you talk about how your day was and how much your coworker is an idiot and how much you hate them. Being in love with someone is when you can’t imagine a day without them and miss them even when they’re just gone for work. Being in love with someone is not knowing what a filter is because you’re so comfortable telling them your entire life that it just comes out. Being in love with someone is when you can cry and not be afraid that they’ll laugh at you because they have a defence mechanism where they get nervous and laugh. Being in love with someone is when you inspire each other and not only want to be better for yourselves but for each other without selfish reasons. Being in love with someone is when.. you can’t find the words to describe how you really feel because love is so hard to explain when you’re in love with someone.
So when do you know when you aren’t in love with someone anymore? Love sometimes isn’t enough.