You know that fable where the little boy cries wolf and when it finally comes no one believes him? Well this is something that I feel I have been doing. My friends, who are my family, know everything. They’re the ones I run to when I can’t take the world anymore and just want to curl into a ball. They’re the ones who hear all my good news first because if I haven’t told them yet, it feels like the news isn’t good without sharing it with them. They’re the ones who pick me up when I’m completely given up and I’m just on the floor waiting for a good time to get back up and they think that the time I’ve given myself is too damn long. So in the case of how I’ve been crying wolf, they know what I’ve been severely unhappy about the past couple months. As of yet, it hasn’t changed. Time and time again and conversation after conversation, they tell me what they really feel I should do because of how my life is making me sick, sometimes in the literal sense. They like most families with their beloved ones, don’t like seeing me sad. They don’t like seeing me put myself in situations that are in my control or better yet, in their control so they can fix it and make it go away so that it’s better for me. So when I tell them “I’m done,” or “it’s over,” or anything along those lines, they take it and make sure that they’re there for me. Every. Time. There is my predicament. How I’ve needed to say how bloody often my mind gets there but doesn’t actually go through with it. WHY? I’ve come up with a couple conclusions that sadly I can’t take credit for because I know everyone who’s talked to me would kill me by saying I figured this all out by myself. All of these conclusions by the way make me sound like a sad sack because I can’t just go on with my life and get through with it. ESPECIALLY SINCE I HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING. No, really, this was one of those things where you can’t fix it. It’s either learn to deal with it or leave. I’m clearly not over it. But who’s to say when I should be over it? Is there a time frame for these things? I read somewhere that scientifically, it only takes 3 months to get over a break up. 3 months? I say that may be pretty accurate depending on how that break up went. Anyways. Back to how I will say how I can’t take it anymore, how I’m sick and tired of how my life is turning out, and how I’m finally just going to do it.. then nothing. All the concern is wasted because I dodge the questions and what everyone can do for me so they can show that they’re all there for me.
Is time invested so important that it makes it difficult to let go of something? When you’re thinking of bigger and better things? The concept of time isn’t an easy thing to let go of and when you’re putting so much effort into something that you don’t feel is worth it anymore, that’s still time you’re putting in.
>> | I missed.. two days since my last post? I find that it isn’t difficult this time to keep up with my posts but again because I don’t want to write and publish everything that I can’t get off my mind.