This is a tough thing to write about because by definition, hitting rock bottom will feel different for everyone. Some may not even get to that point in their life so this would be irrelevant to them. Now, when one gets to this place, it doesn’t mean that you’ve failed or that you’ve done something wrong. When this happens, it means that it’s time you get off your butt and change something. That always begins with yourself.
Wait, I’ll try and start from the beginning.
The day that I realized that I can no longer go any deeper into a life that I continue to wake up to and wish I didn’t was the day that I knew I have convinced myself of something that I’ve lied to everyone else about. I wasn’t living a life that I could just share anymore. Social media is another story because I choose not to tell everyone everything, all the time. But it’s not healthy when you feel like you’re living another life altogether because some people know parts of your life and the others don’t so I feel like to make my life easier than explaining my decisions, I let everyone think what they want. Leading that life is as hard as it’s read. It’s also lying to the people that I love. I start avoiding places and certain hours of the day because I don’t want.. it’s a shame, this life.
I start to wonder what life is like for people who live it without imagining the things that I imagine when I’m alone. Wondering what being happy feels like without the ache that comes with trying to convince myself that the feeling is real. The worst part is never wanting to look straight at myself in the mirror. The late nights under my eyes, the hurt behind the smiles. I want to do something about it but the fear itself paralyzes me.
When you’ve finally hit a place where all you want to do it curl up into a ball and live life when everything feels better for you again that’s when you need to put your head up high and get rid of everything that no longer makes you happy. Quit that job, dump that shit on two legs that you will not call when you’ve had one too many to drink, take those savings and take a big leap of faith.
You’re stronger than you think you are and I know it’s a terribly scary thought to have that you might have a moment in your life where all you’ll know how to do is cry but it’ll pass. You’re a beautiful person and so deserving of the greatest things in life. Don’t let a moment take a hold of you and cripple you. All those people who believe in you are still there. That’s why they’re the ones that you love because no matter what you did, they never left your side. If you need help, they’ll be there. Be the one that they look at and smile because they never thought you couldn’t do it, they just wanted to make sure you felt like you did it yourself and when you were ready to do it. You do not have to prove anything to anyone but make sure that you don’t settle for a life that you don’t want to live. Make sure that you remember it and smile. I know when everyone remembers you, that’s all they’ll do.