It’s an odd feeling whenever I think about how often I moved in my life time. I was born in the Philippines and my parents moved us to Canada when I was just three years young. Since moving here, I moved around the city a lot; moving in with my grandparents who sponsored us then finally moving from place to place, which was very dependent on how old I was getting and my parents planning on my baby brother, they always wanted to make sure I never knew the feeling of not having a place to call home.
Now at 24, the idea of moving out of the city on my own is.. proving to give a lot of feelings. Many of which are ones that I expected; I’m excited because of the very idea of moving out of the city that I’ve grown to be so familiar with has finally out grown me, I get anxious and nervous sometimes with all the thoughts of a new city and the new challenges that will come with that, and of course, I get scared at times, knowing that I won’t have the comfort of all my friends turned family so far away (living in this city has proved that if I have to drive more than 4 hours, you’re “far away” from me). The one thing that keeps me from stepping back and thinking that this big step is too much for me is remembering what I’ve wanted growing up, all the aspirations and goals I had and why I had to choose otherwise at the time. I don’t find myself regretting any of the decisions I’ve made that has put me in the place that I’m in now but I do admit to thinking about all the things I wanted to do when I was younger. All the while not having any idea about what it would take to get me there; all I knew was that I was going to work hard to get there someday and I’d look back and be really proud of how far I’ve come.
I’ve learned early on in my life that I will get as far as I choose to go.
I was always the independent child, first born tendencies, I suppose, and I felt that scared my parents sometimes. They would insist on helping me with my homework or projects that I’d bring home and freak out about because I can’t have anything less than the best grade in the class. The first few years of my education, I was thought to be less than average. My comprehension of things were less than what “it should be” at my age at the time and that scared my parents. They would ask me to have my homework out and they would go through it with me. Growing up, that was something I thought they were required to do, that my teachers told them that they needed to be more involved. Growing older, I realized that was my parents trying to protect me from feeling less than the other kids in my class but I saw that as them doing the work for me. Every time I was given an award, it wasn’t my hard work, it was theirs.
I quickly learned to insist that I would only ask for help when I really felt like I couldn’t do something on my own. I can recall two times, one in elementary and once in junior high school, both presentations that I had to do, where I finally had to ask for my parents help. The first time, I decided to volunteer for extra grade points, and I needed to give a presentation in class. I was so nervous so I made my parents be my audience. I always wanted to make them proud of me and even if I knew they’d be the worst critics because they wouldn’t know how to criticize me, they made me the most nervous. The second time in junior high, I had to ask my mom help me design my costume and as per usual ask my dad to help me with my lines. Both times I received one of the highest grades and both times I was glad that I asked my parents for help. I think that sometimes they needed that, the moments where I could be proud of something myself, it let them feel like they were right there supporting me.
As years passed, that became more and more infrequent. Even in times when my parents felt that I needed that little bit of verbal guidance from them, it was only taken in consideration. I continued to make choices based on my best interests and I always knew I’d have learn from them no matter the outcome. It was one of the ways I grew up and I’m so proud of that aspect of who I am.
Moving away in another city is a new adventure filled with opportunities that i can explore. I learned being outside of my comfort zone is one of the greatest things I can do for myself and I will always try to push myself to that. I know it will be an experience that will make me miss all the comforts of family and friends but I also know that it will allow me to love them so much more and know that I should never take them for granted. One of the best things I heard for advice was that when something scares you, that’s when you know it matters the most. This move has me completely terrified sometimes. And that’s one of the greatest parts.
I am so excited to call a new city my new home.
I am home, wherever I am.