My girls and best friends know me too well. Sometimes it bites me in the butt because they know exactly what to say to get my mind on straight again despite all my protesting.
Since my move out here, it’s been rough. Being away from the family, having situations happen that just won’t go away, trying something new with someone in a different city… There was a lot I had to deal with that i wasn’t prepared for when I got here. But as always, I was so happy that I did what I did. I made sure I found a job as soon as possible because that’s what I needed to do. I slowly got to know the city my own little ways and I still fall in love with it every day. The uncertainty scares me sometimes but that’s the most exciting part of all of this; I have no idea where it’s going to take me and where I’ll end up but I’m gungho to keep going. I had that in Winnipeg but it was only because I kept telling myself that if I work hard enough I can move on from it. That I wasn’t going to live my life there. And here I am. I was unhappy and I finally had the courage to move on.
And when I moved here, I knew I had something else on my mind that I desperately needed to move on from.
Any length of time with a relationship can be tough to break free from. I know a 1 month in comparison to 3 years is a very large difference but that doesn’t mean that the feelings felt weren’t the same. I felt mine fading when I was in the old city. My sanctuary was work and not being around him. I hated the feeling because I missed what we had. I wanted that all back. I thought moving out to a new city would help but that’s the same as thinking having a kid would help two people stay together. It doesn’t work that way. So the move finally came around and here I am. I have never been happier. I admit sometimes when days are bad or when I see couples out, I miss what I had. Then I remember all the feelings I had when I was in that relationship. I was insecure, I was constantly made to feel like I wasn’t good enough or that I doubted everything I knew. I cared too much or that I was crazy. It was such a toxic relationship and those just never stop because neither one of you will see it.
I left the city with big hopes that this new adventure would be good to me. I knew I would try my best to make it that way but I also prepared myself to understand that it was going to be hard for a little while. But I wasn’t prepared to have one of my best friends enter my life the way he did. It was confusing at first to whether or not this was something I wanted to try. It was definitely something that many of my family was on the fence about and some were all supportive. As time went on it just wasn’t something I needed to think twice about anymore. I wanted to give it a try. Every day he made me see and feel that us trying something was worth all the effort and time and distance. I would wake up and have a smile on my face because it’s another day I get to talk or see this guy. The nights where we get to talk, it got harder and harder to say good night but I was still so happy that we had this. There would be moments where I would remember fights I had in my past relationship and I would be really apprehensive to bring it up but I would with him and that’s when I knew. I’m not saying that because of a guy I’m happier, I am saying that because of this guy I realized what I don’t deserve because he’s showing me what I do. We live an hour difference in time zones and I was freaking out over a tiny problem at work and he calls me as he’s running out to head to work so he can help me. I won’t even divulge what that conversation would have been like over text in my past relationship.
So moving here has been so good to me so far. Happiness is how you make your life and I finally feel like mine is slowly becoming what I want it to be. The only doubts I had were because my past relationship made me feel inadequate, like I wouldn’t make it here. I knew before but I know better now.
Nobody ain’t got time for that.