I’ve been lucky to have recently reconnected with one of my best cousins – she lives in the Philippines, which is oceans away – and we’ve only been able to “talk” through different compatible apps on our phones. I adore her so much; no matter what length of time since we’ve last spoken, we always leave off like no time has passed. She also always, always makes me feel like the best person in the world.
We only finally had a chance to update each other on one another’s lives again and she pointed out how I sound like I’m living again. Coming from her, it really hit a special place with me. She was so happy to hear about how happy I am and how everything in my life is coming together despite the small downfalls.
I had realized that for a long time, I was so unhappy. That I had days where I woke up crying and I didn’t know why; then for the rest of the day that sadness lingered and I had no idea why I was sad. My only other prominent emotion was anger and it was projected at all the wrong people, at all the wrong times. I kept this to myself because I felt that if I was the only one who knew about all these feelings, it wasn’t really true. I hid it from myself because it was easier not to have to deal with it. My two best friends at work would ask me about how everything is going every day (because they’re amazing) and they would always be so confused to how I never seemed like it affected me. It didn’t. If I let it, I would never get up.
I had let this happen for so long and I only snapped out of it when I had taken one of the biggest risks that I’ve taken, ever. I knew I was meant for bigger and better things. I will always go back to the Philippines because that’s where my heart was born; the city I had resided was just my stepping stone, I knew I wasn’t going to stay there forever. So, when I decided that I was going to move to a city that I fell in love with one summer, I told myself I was going to make this happen. I had done this before, told myself that I really wanted something but never got around to making an effort to doing it; when I arrived in Edmonton, it was so surreal. This city has had it’s share of challenges but all of which scared me into doing something about it. I’ve grown up so much in 3 months than I feel like I ever have so far in my life.
I wake up every day to this city and say good morning because I need to tell the universe how grateful I am for what I have. I get tired like everyone else but I also find it hard to go to sleep because I can’t stop smiling. I have the most amazing boyfriend, who despite having an entire province between us, he’s home and that is one of the greatest feelings. I have this amazing group of friends who have all turned into family because of the love and support and smack in the head – when I need it – that they continue to give me.
I do feel like I’m living again. It’s really nice. I have a lot of people to thank because I know finally realize that I’m not alone.
Have a good week, darlins.