The past couple days have been really hard on my eyes. Not very dry to say the least.
I’ve been finding a lot of things suddenly becoming overwhelming or something I’ve thought was nothing became a very real shock to my system. In these moments it’s hard for me to get past them without unconsciously avoiding them all together because I don’t want to deal with them.
This is where work comes into play. I will drown myself in everything work. Working late, working extra hours; all of it will be something I will be on board for if it helps keep my mind occupied until I crash into sleep at the end of my day. It’s always worked very well for me and I enjoy the productivity that I engage myself in.
But this also doesn’t help anything that is good in my life. I will ignore people, I will avoid events; social interaction is the last thing that I am interested in. And more than ever, this is something that I can’t do.
The last post I had written, I described a very uncomfortable awareness that I had experienced two days ago. I shared this with my SO, with a little hesitation but he makes it easy to push that aside, and he immediately took concern and empathy. I drove to work this morning with him on the phone because he wanted to make sure I was ok.
Now I just said that I will ignore people and avoid social interaction.
Last night I just moved into my new apartment. ALL MINE. And I took a snap and sent it to my best girlfriends (who are by lean definition my sisters from other moms) and I showed them how excited I was. These beautiful people, I could not have any form of energy keep me from sharing that moment with.
I told my boss and supervisor what happened too. Everyone who needs to know at work, knows about my living situation, too. I cannot have a more amazing family at work.
It’s been a slow and excruciatingly frustrating process but I’m trying to make sure I understand that these amazing people are ones that are never going to leave my side. I have days where I don’t understand why they’re still here but I need to make sure that they know I will try to never make them feel like I take them for granted.
SO to my chosen family. I love you guys.