I find it so frustrating – as someone who knows they have a way with words – that I can’t! I can’t do my thing with words with you. You can throw me off to the simple “awwwww” after saying your sweet nothings and even the downright “I’m not trying to be romantic…” moments. I will lay in bed after we talk and stare at the text that I’ve already written over and over and over because I keep reading it (and you know what happens when I do that) and deciding I want to say something else or say it entirely different.
This post is guilty of that.
How do I put into words the feeling I have when I’ve walked a bit of distance ahead of you and as I turn around to wait so I can hold your hand, yours is already reached out looking for mine? Should I try to describe the thoughts that run around in circles in my mind when I’m having the worst day and you constantly ask (but keep apologizing if you’re pushing it too much) if we can talk because you can’t stand knowing that I’m not okay. What do I do when I see you after a month or two and you ask me how I am? Are there words for what that feeling is at that exact moment? How about the times when you do this… this… this thing whenever you’re near by or come around me.. Can someone tell me what words are then?
I can’t wait for the moments I get to crawl into your arms after a long day and hide there for as long as I want to. The “every day” things like going grocery shopping and trips to Ikea turn into cooking show ideas (and food truck suggestions!) and imagining our perfect home. Our futures and aspirations are all our own but somehow have become “ours” too. I don’t have to be afraid of feeling or thinking all these “non-chill” things with you because you’ve always beaten me to the punches.
So. I guess I found some words.
I love you.