First Time

I need to say something because it was always a serious topic for me but no one ever understood why I thought of life this way: I thought my life past 35 wasn’t worth anything. I was convinced that when I hit that age, I wouldn’t have any reason to live – nothing to look forward to after that. This thought with the idea of children, a partner in the future, retirement… I wanted it all but I still couldn’t look past that age.

Today, I read an article about how the best years of my life haven’t happened yet. It explained how there are events in everyone’s life that have happened, that a year ago, you wouldn’t have believed would.

I fell in love with someone who grew into that special place that a best friend occupies. I moved to another city and I’ve learned that I needed this more than I thought I did. I’ve found a job that is pushing me into a career and it’s been one of the most amazing feelings. I’ve lost people that I didn’t know how to let go but realized they were never worth the pain. I’m taking note of the humans I need to keep closer to my heart so they always know it beats for them.

I know a year ago, if someone were to tell me this, I would never have believed them. I could never read the story of my life if someone gave it to me – it would run my life and I would miss all the amazing things that weren’t planned.

My days get hard and I know that those days aren’t the ones that I’ll add to the “best days” that haven’t happened yet but I know I need those. Sometimes, feeling the hurt just reminds you that there’s something more to look forward to after you’ve seen how strong you are when you’ve survived.

I’ve had a lot of firsts in the past couple months and for the first time I know that some of the best days of my life haven’t happened yet.

Cheers kids, it’s the day before Friday!

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