How You Make Me Feel

I know this isn’t the only thing that keeps a relationship going until forever but I do know that this may be one of the most important things that will help make it last.

Coming from a relationship where I realized so quickly after I broke it off, that I lost myself in it. That I forgot who I was, where I was going, what I wanted,.. what I didn’t want. The compromises, the sacrifices, the if you’re happy, it’s okay if i’m not. This concept of how I feel around my SO was so foreign to me. I didn’t care about what was going on in my life or those I loved because I was so deep in his. I’ve said this before, I’m not afraid to say it again, it was so toxic. Neither one of us wanted to say it, neither one of us wanted to end it. Being unhappy became what we were.. together.

Unfortunately for my SO now, I have that baggage I still have a lot of trouble leaving behind. I still bring thoughts and emotions that I’ve attached to my last relationship to my new one and as understanding as he can be, I know it can get frustrating.

Last night, I was enjoying the peace of my apartment and I laughed at my comfort of knowing that my boyfriend is going to be unavailable for a month – I told him I’d give him that before I started wondering if he forgot about me – because he was going to be so deep in gaming. Yes, gaming. Now I know that guys can game hard, for.. weeks, but this little nugget of mine and I are in a long-distance relationship and I’m okay? Yeah. I really am. I promised him I’d have to text him to make sure he remembers he has to go to work and that he needs to shower at least once during the week but other than that, I’ll talk to him before I visit again.

I have never been happier since I’ve been in this relationship. He gets me through it all. The bad, the ugly, the worst. He celebrates more than I do through the best things. And I’ve only realized that this has a lot to do with how I feel when I’m with him. He says it all the time, how he’s never been so comfortable being around someone, how he can be himself and not think twice about how I’m going to react or what I’ll think (sometimes he hesitates and I love(!) teasing him about it after..). Only now I’ve been realizing that’s how he reassures me and himself, over and over again, without even knowing it, that this is all worth it – we’re worth it. We make each other feel amazing alone and we let each other feel that and more when we’re together.

He’s something else – and lucky for me, I get to love all of it.

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