This feeling will never get old.. But I know the feeling will get stronger when I get to see you everyday.
So I’m finally finalizing things on my end and I’m just prepping to get everything done and ready to go. There’s this one kind of.. little.. big thing that has me on the edge of my decision but it always goes back to him.
So in less than a year there have been so many changes in my life but all I’m finding myself being okay with.. and a little proud of:
- I had no idea how much I needed my time alone until I moved out by myself. I went from my parents’ house to moving in with (my now ex) boyfriend. And there is really no difference in terms of amount of time you’re always in someone else’s company. Now, if I don’t get that time after a day of work or the very least one day out of my weekend, I’m completely thrown off.
- There are people who will tell you how life is and there’s the ones who will ask you all the questions and go through all the pros and cons and lists that you might have about something. They might think that it’s really small but understand that you don’t and so they will go through your process with you. These are the people that I will continue to love for as long as they let me.
- I will always have a choice. At the end of the day, if it’s good for me then I should do it. Sometimes, I move too fast or I take a life time to make a decision and move forward with it; either way, I’ve made a decision and I’ve been doing this for the past 25 years, and where I am in my life, I’m happy with it. It may not suit anyone else or something they’d ever think to do themselves but here I am and I’ve grown up – no one else can give me this.
- I need to remember all the wonderful people who manage me. These are the amazing few who will remind me why I run to them for the smallest things and hide under their wings when it’s the big things. I’ve never felt hard to love with these people. Thank you.
- I don’t trust easily and I’m learning that this is okay. I’m learning that some of the people I trusted the most, are no longer ones I can count on. I’m learning that people who are the furthest away from me (yes this means distance) are some of the ones who I can count on no matter the hour or day. I don’t have to tell them everything and yet they ask out of love and not just curiosity.
- I know that asking for help is needed sometimes but I’ve also decided to accept that I am a very independent person. I am going to embrace it. I know that sometimes, I will need someone to help me back up but when I’m the one who’s broken, I know that I can pick up the pieces because I’m the only one who knows how to put them back together – the way that I want to be put back together.
All these things and more I have learned through this time where I decided to jump feet first and hoped that I’d land. I really didn’t think of giving myself any other choice than landing on my own feet and running straight into it all. Challenges are inevitable so are changes but I’d be damned if I were any other way.
HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!